So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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