apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
