ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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