she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm at about main and main street
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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