Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize