I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
