Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
