the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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