I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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