please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
