We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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