the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
