I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
