Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
