She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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