Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
