Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize