1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
