so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
