Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
