he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize