I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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