you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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