This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
