Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
