So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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