why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
