I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
