Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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