dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
