yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
