my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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