i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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