I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
