I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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