oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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