At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
