if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
