His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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