I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
