Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
