I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There are leaves in my underwear?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
