I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize