Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
