when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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