This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
