I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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