Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
