Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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