Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
