Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
