how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
