remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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