Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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