I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
