Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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