Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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