it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
