Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
