Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
