I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize