Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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