Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
